Yeah, go me. So much writing in one day.
*gag*

And once again, I am coldly reminded of the fact that I embody everything that I passionately hate. Why? Why can't I escape the high school labels? Are they labels, or are they me?
I refuse to believe that the human personality is composed of sins. I firmly believe that if God purged away all the sins, as he promises He will, that there would be something of me left. Other people in the world overcome, or at least control, their sins with God's help. Why is that not happening here?
I can't stand people who are blind to a social situation, who can't pick up on the fact that everyoneintheroomhatesyouandifyouwouldjustleavenowyoumightsurvive. And alltheywantisforyourtoshutupfortwofreakingsecondsforgoodnesssake. People that miss those and similar messages bother me, because I have to be overbearing about everything I want to communicate. THAT bothers me.
But today, just today, I did that to someone I care quite a bit about, a friend of mine. It was one of those pleasejustleavemealoneandstoptalkingtome things, and I know I saw it and just didn't want to see it. I didn't want to believe that my friend didn't want me around, that I couldn't help improve my friend's day . . . so I didn't. And here I convince myself I'm doing a service, when in fact I am causing irritation. And it's *my fault*.
And people tell me to forgive myself – but honestly, I can't just throw my hands up and say “that's fine. I can be an idiot. It's all right.” I know some people that do that, and they BOTHER me. They excuse all their own behavior and never try to change and make us live with it.
God, I don't want to be that. I want to be yours, to be a servant. I want my life to be so steeped in you that my sins don't hold sway anymore.
Just the tip of the things-Hannah-hates-about-herself iceberg, but it's a big one today. I make friends with person, I find person very kind and sweet and wonderful, I proceed to annoy person in first month of friendship.
Curses. (Hexes, plastic-wrapped again! Another dumb joke forced too hard on the public.) And for some stupid reason, I run around going, “I don't get it, why does everyone hate me? DUH!